Is anger really anger? This thought has been lingering on my mind lately and the answer is, I don’t think so.
Okay guys, I am no scientist and I’m not a physician. I don’t have a degree in psychology or even in emotional behaviors, if such a thing exists.
But I am a Mom of three and one of my children is often on the verge of nuclear explosion. Or at least, that is how her outbursts often feel.
I also plan events and work closely with very artistic and emotional people, as we songwriters often are.
So, during my observations of adolescent growth and artist growth, one question keeps coming to the forefront of my mind. When these people around me, people that I love and care about, have a “mad” episode, are they really mad? Is anger really anger?
The conclusion? Not usually.
For my daughter, she can erupt at any time, and I mean ANY TIME! The smallest things seem to touch her trigger. And when she goes off, I get anything from a cat like “hisssss,” to an evil “I wish you were dead,” scowl to a full on “I hate you Mom, you destroy my life.”
Oh, and did I mention that she is 5 by the way? No? Okay… well, now you’ve got the whole picture!
Now, don’t get me wrong, she is one of the lights of my life. Typically, she is very loving, kind, sharing and caring.
However, when she blows, TAKE COVER!
In all seriousness, one thing I’ve learned as that her “anger,” isn’t really anger. It’s taken time, but I’ve been training myself to look for the “reason” behind the “explosions.”
Usually those reasons consists of not feeling like she’s getting enough attention, feeling out of control in her own world and hurt. Sometimes it’s because she didn’t get her way, which is really just anxiety rearing it’s horrible head.
In these moments when she is literally bursting apart at the seams, I’ve learned to do a few things. Tell her I love her, give her a big hug (which she often tries to pull away from) and ask her how I can help.
Most of the time, something miraculous happens. After, at first, going rigid, she slowly relaxes and then she breaks down! The tears start a flowing like a monsoon in Bangladesh!
The same goes for professionals and music industry individuals I work with. When they come to me angry about something, have a complaint or some “bitterness” comes out, it usually isn’t anger. It’s frustration, hurt, fear, rejection, feeling helpless, anxiety, and many other things.
In these times, I find that the best thing I can do is to BE THERE FOR THEM! If you have people around you that you love struggling with something, be there for them. Truly care about their situation and allow yourself to feel what they feel right along with them!
Compassion is the word of the day! Compassion and love are powerful tools and we don’t have near enough of it in our world today! I will preach this all day long because if you want to be successful in life, in your endeavors and/or at home, be COMPASSIONATE. Sometimes it takes practice to truly feel compassion toward another, but, for the love of Pete, PRACTICE.
Your world will completely change if you focus on others and truly care! Now, I’m not saying to NOT care about yourself. Of course you should practice self care because you cannot fill someone else up if your well has long ago run dry!
But most of us have some of our heart to give, so give it!
Anger is many things, but it isn’t usually anger.
Next time someone lashes out at you, even if they are in the shape of the five year old hurricane, try to look for the feeling hiding under the anger.
I hope you have an amazing week and, better yet, and amazing life!
Go for your goals and dream big! Live out loud, don’t let your fear hold you back and then look around and see who else you can give a hand to!
I love you guys, truly I do! Thank you for being part of the lemonade brian family. We are all here to try and better our lives and the lives of those around us!
Pease out homies! Oh man… did I just totally age myself there. #facepalm.
#angerisntreallyanger #beahelper #loveothers #betterlife #affirmations #lemonadebrain #liveyourbestlife
What a fantastic post! And I feel like it hits anger head on the nose (wait a sec, I’m not sure if that’s the correct expression?). I love how this post just exudes love! I can relate to her experience with her 5 year old as I have a 2 year old myself and as we all know… he’s a 2 year old so anger or an “explosive” behavior is not foreign! This post encourages me to offer him love (specifically an “I love you, hug, and to ask him how I can help” which I’m sure he will emotionally benefit from more than me just standing there not knowing what to do. Thanks LemonadeBrain! Keep doing what you do!!!
Oh my goodness Dianne, thank you so much for your comment!
I’ll tell ya, it is so hard sometimes to take a step back, mid tantrum, and try to figure out “hmmm, why is my kid acting like this?”
I love knowing that I’m not alone in my endeavors. We all need to suppport each other to get through this crazy life! Keep me updated on your progress! All my love – Chelsey