Pornography: How to teach children to reject it.
My kids are going to see it at some point. Your kids are going to see it at some point. This fact is inevitable! Experts say that a child can be exposed to Pornograhy as young as 6 and 7, however, I’ve heard of it happening much younger.
This is a sensitive topic, I know! However I firmly believe it’s one that should be discussed because Pornography is rampant, it’s damaging and it’s everywhere, even in places we don’t expect.
I’ve been contemplating for a few years now how to discuss the topic of pornography with my children. Now, they are young, only 7, 4 and 1.
However, for the past year I’ve been feeling a pressing urge to talk to them about it. My 1 year old doesn’t grasp the concept of course, as she only understands a few words, but she is toddling around the room when I discuss Pornography with my kids… yes, even with the 4 year old.
It’s hard for me to believe that my 4 year old has even heard the word Pornography or “porn” before it came out of my mouth, but she has. Like I said, it’s everywhere.
As a parent, my dilemma wasn’t so much “when” to start discussing Pornography with them, but how.
After all, it’s a tough subject, especially when we haven’t had the “sex” talk.
But after much research, I found a tool that not only helped me tremendously in explaining and helped guide me in how to open up discussions about it, but I know it will help you too.
It’s a short, sweet, simple and very well written book called “Good Pictures, Bad Pictures.”
Why do I like this book so much? Well…
- It divides the topic of Pornography into short, easy to understand chapters. Even my 4 year old grasps every concept.
- It takes the topic out of my, the parents, mouth and puts it into another. The book takes place around a conversation between a Mom and her son. It starts with them looking at “good” pictures and then the Mom begins opening up a conversation with her son about “bad” pictures, hence the title. I love this because suddenly, I’m not the one “lecturing” and explaining the concept to my children. Suddenly, I’m reading them a story and they are learning.
- It talks about Addictions and what it means to have an addiction. The mom also explains the consequences of addictions and how Pornography is also an addiction.
- The book addresses the difference between our “feeling brain” and our “thinking brain.” Our feeling brain is basically what drives us to “Want that ice cream right now.” Our thinking brain helps us to take a step back and assess “do I have enough money for that ice cream right now, and how will I feel after I eat it.” I can’t tell you how much I LOVE this and how useful it has become in SO MANY OTHER aspects of our lives!
- From there, it explains how the two brains work together. Now, remember, the Mom in the book is still talking to her son. There are colorful pictures and easy to understand explanations. In the end, this book basically takes a very tough subject to conquer and makes it easy to grasp. Heck, it’s even good for me… I need easy to grasp too!
- It talks about your brains attraction center. In this chapter it explains that, often, a pornography addiction is harder to overcome that a drug addiction. This is because the most POWERFUL part of the feeling brain is the “attraction center.”
- At the end, the Mom talks about the “CAN DO,” plan! This is basically a plan our kids can choose to put in place for when they are presented with Pornography. Close my eyes, Always tell a trusted adult, Name it when I see it, Distract Myself, and Order my thinking brain to be the boss! This is amazing! My 4 year old uses it all the time…even when she sees Mom looking at swim suits on Amazon. Okay, I fully understand that this is not Pornography, but you bet I’m proud of her! She’s taking what we’ve talked about to heart and implementing it! You go girl!!!
- At the end of every chapter, it advises you to discuss what you’ve learned. I love this too and often ask my kids what they’d like to discuss about it. There are always questions (sometimes ones that don’t apply, but oh well. It’s about creating an open level of communication between us too.)
The book is not just GREAT for kids, It’s also very helpful for teenagers and adults. I now understand more about the effects of Pornography on the different parts of the brain and why it should be avoided.
Now, how to start the book… that’s the question.
After some contemplation, I decided to discuss this book with them in chapters, and then give them some time to process and talk about it with me. This is made easy by the “what did I learn,” sections, complete with notes at the end of every chapter.
Every Monday night we have a family fun/spend time together/learn together night. We call is “Family Fun Night.” Because this was already in our schedule, I decided to introduce the book during this time. It works out great! We start with reading a chapter, discussing it, and then we do something fun as a family to, you know, bond and stuff!
We are currently on our second run through the book!
Because we do something fun after we read the book, they really look forward to it and it’s been a positive experience! Score!
Let me just say that I believe that love is important and I believe attraction is important and such a wonderful gift! Still, after almost 15 years, I’m LOVE that I’m attracted to my husband!
I also believe that Pornography is damaging.
There are varying views on this and that’s okay. I’m not judging and I don’t believe in passing judgment.
What an individual chooses to do is there choice and we all choose the lives we live, and the prayers we pray.
However, I’ve seen Pornography rip so many marriages and relationships apart. I’ve seen young children struggle with this addiction and the hurt, tears, insecurity, pain and anguish it brings. I’ve seen it enough to know that I want to teach my children about it and how to resist it.
If that’s your goal, then I know this book will help you too!
Also, if you’re hoping to protect your kids from accidentally accessing Pornography online or from a smart phone, there are so many resources, such as Mobicip and other protective tools that you can install.
Another tip is to never let your children play computer, ipads, or other devices behind closed doors. If you allow access to them, (we allow ours an hour a day, however on sick or very busy days I usually have a huge “Mom fail” moment and it exceeds the hour or three… #facepalm) have your kids stay out in the open, where all the commotion and family life happens.
Still, I know that they will face it one day and, for those moments, I want them to have the tools to say NO and walk away!
My kids are everything to me. Children in general have a soft place in my heart and I feel it’s our duty to be their guardian angels! They are our greatest treasure and I intend to protect my greatest treasures with everything I’ve got!
Here’s to the sweet life! Thanks for stopping by. You have no idea how much I appreciate it.
